Hi.

Hi there. It’s Lilibeth Gray. Typing anxiously from behind my computer screen. I paid a lovely $99 for this about 2 hours ago and i’m already having second thoughts. Go figure. Something about when I actually sit down to type out my thoughts I think they’re not worth the time and effort to express. I think no one cares and it’s a waste of time to even express myself. To be honest it’s very sad. It’s so sad how I feel about myself and it’s so sad because I know there is no way i’m the only person on this planet who feels like this. It’s sad that people can even feel like this. They feel like their words are worthless, their thoughts are meaningless, and they just waste other people’s time when they speak; so they don’t. They don’t talk unless spoken too, they mumble when they answer, they speak too low to even be heard. I say they, because I can’t be the only one who does this. Most of the time people talk over me when I speak anyways so why speak at all? I have to repeat myself constantly because I am interrupted constantly. (I hate repeating myself. Huge pet peeve.) My silence is often blamed on my shyness. I am shy. However I am also anxiety ridden and have low self-esteem. I will go into depth on all these topics in separate blog posts because I want to make sure they are given the attention they need. So other people who feel like this can read it and know they aren’t alone. That someone else is struggling and searching for ways to manage it with them. I am not on any kind of medication though several people have recommended I should look into it including a therapist and a nurse. Neither of which are my therapist or nurse. Just people who have attempted to have conversations with me and see the struggle within myself immediately. For me that’s not an option though. I have family members who did take the medication route and suffered from horrible side effects. Since that has happened to them I worry the same will happen to me because of our genetic make up. So if medication is something that works for you or you’re willing to try by all means go for it and let me know how it goes cause i’d love to hear some positives. I know i’ve seen some positives in a YouTuber I subscribe too since she started anti-depressants. However it’s just not my thing. Doesn’t mean it can’t be your thing. I’m all about what works best for you. I don’t ever want anyone to feel like i’m telling them they should be more like me or live like me. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or other people you can never be wrong. Anyways, this isn’t going to be a blog about all negative stuff. I am literally going to share the ups and the downs. The reality of real life. Not a fake persona I’m presenting online. Some days I have good days, other days I don’t. Just like everyone else in the world. Hopefully you guys will enjoy my random rants and talks. I’m going to end this now because my dog keeps crawling on me and biting my ear so I assume he wants my attention. Until next time. xoxo.